"What's on your mind?"

Restless. Can't sleep. So exhasted but I can't close my eyes.

This apartment is too empty, too lonely, too quiet.

I don't know what I want right now. Just someone maybe; a beating heart, a human voice.

Maybe there is more I want.

I feel like I am waiting for something. But I don't know what. I am counting the days, the weeks, the months. I can feel myself wishing for time to pass. I am restless inside. I feel anxious. I am impatient.

I think about now and I don't feel consious. I feel like I am floating. My life now feels surreal, as if I am viewing someone else's life. I am learning to walk with someone else's legs, talk through someone else's mouth. Nothing makes sense. Did it ever?

I never realized how tramatic something like breaking up or going through family trouble can be or how it can truely impact you. I am starting to realize it now.

Part of me wants nothing to do with life before and wants everything different and unfamiliar. Part of me wants the comfort and routine of before that kept me grounded and centered as a person, as a human being. Everyday is a struggle over want and need to satisfy one or the other.

I am unstable. I am volitile. I am a time-bomb inside waiting to explode.

And I am terrified of destroying someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt.